Sometimes it takes getting out of a domestic violence situation and counseling others with similar plight to realize that you were once a victim, said a domestic abuse survivor.
Sometimes it takes getting out of a domestic violence situation and counseling others with similar plight to realize that you were once a victim, said a domestic abuse survivor.
“I’ve been through a lot and was delivered so long ago. I was in a toxic relationship and never considered myself a survivor until I talked more about it and started helping others,” Theora Humphrey, a domestic violence advocate and behavior specialist told the Defender.
Humphrey said while she never talked about what was going on inside her home, her coworkers always sensed when something was awry. Their concern made her comfortable to open up and accept help.
Soon thereafter, she found the strength to walk away, said the 23-year domestic abuse survivor.
“I didn’t ask to be put in that situation. Love doesn’t hurt. Domestic violence is a crime,” she said.
Assaults on women by partners range from approximately 2 million to 4 million annually in the United States, according to the Illinois Dept. of Public Health.
According to the Illinois State Police: Every 15 seconds in the U.S., a woman is beaten; domestic violence results in more injuries that require medical attention than rape, accidents and muggings combined; 2 in 5 women who were murdered were killed by their husbands; at least 95 percent of all cases of partner abuse involve a man beating a woman; and children who grow up in violent homes come to believe that violence is normal.
To help those she can relate to, Humphrey counsels female victims at the Women’s Hope & Life Center on the West Side.
The three-year-old organization has an extended network of various agencies, shelters and hospitals across the city to aid women and children of domestic violence.
“We do tons of outreach in the community and with the Chicago Police Department’s 15th District. We flood stores and beauty salons with information about domestic violence. We’ll go to any location where women tend to be, but not their abusive mates,” said Humphrey.
WHLC’s executive director, Kenyatta Anderson, said domestic abuse is prevalent, but not talked about as often as it should be. Too many are afraid to speak up because they feel embarrassed about their situation, and some often think it’s a normal because of what they’ve grown up witnessing.
“Domestic violence crosses all ethnic and socio-economic lines, and many women are reluctant to come forward because of the stigma attached to it. They’re embarrassed and don’t want anyone to know what’s going on behind closed doors,” said Anderson.
Anderson founded the organization in 2006 after listening to the many stories of women who attended the singles ministry at her church.
The younger victims that have come through the organization usually saw abuse depicted in their homes, Anderson said, recalling the youngest female being 15 years old.
“It’s the cycle of abuse in the home that’s often imitated, on both ends, male and female. They’ve seen so much in their short time span of their lives. We know how hard it is to verbalize or articulate the abuse,” said Brenda Morgan, a counselor at the organization.
Usually, a child’s mother or another woman in their home was abused and it becomes a learned behavior. After a while, some realize they need to break the cycle of abuse and seek counseling and training in order to heal, said Morgan.
Anderson said the organization is working on a collaboration with a nearby Local School Council to get a domestic abuse education program in Chicago Public Schools.
If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, the IDPH lists a few steps to leave an abusive partner: •Pack a bag ahead of time that will be available to take with you when you decide it is the safest time to leave. Include items such as extra clothes, important papers, money, extra keys and prescription medications •Know exactly where you will go and how you will get there •Call a local women’s shelter or the National Domestic Violence Hotline to find out about legal options and resources available •Avoid making long-distance calls from home or using a cell phone. An abuser could trace the calls or intercept cell phone conversations using a scanner •Be aware that an abuser may be able to monitor to your Internet activities and access your e-mail account National Domestic Violence Hotline 800-799-7233 Teen Dating Abuse Hotline 866-331- 9474
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