Dear Chat Daddy,
I’m a 27-year-old married mother of four children all under the age of five.
Dear Chat Daddy, I’m a 27-year-old married mother of four children all under the age of five. I met my husband while in college eight years ago. Our story is your classic romance fairytale: he was a star athlete, and I was a cheerleader. We both graduated with honors and while he landed a six-figure job that allowed us to afford a wonderful home and occasional spontaneous weekend getaways, I decided to be a stay-at-home mom. Chat Daddy, you can imagine the perfect life we were living. Lately, my husband has been saying to me that he’s not in the mood due to not being as attracted to me the way he used to. I must admit that things have been a bit crazy with four small children and a big home that I take care of all by myself. On good days, I can look back on our relationship and smile because I tried my best to be the ultimate woman of his dreams and thought I was treating him the way a real woman should treat her man. I do everything to please him, but it seems as though he doesn’t love me anymore. I cry myself to sleep every night and feel as if it is a hopeless situation. Please help. -Just Trying To Be Every Woman To The Man I Love
Dear Just Trying To Be Every Woman To The Man I Love, How unfortunate. I’m so sorry that this is going on in your marriage and household. Sister, the one thing that I want you to know is that you will always have yourself–the beautiful woman inside. Start with prayer and meditation first and foremost. I would also suggest that you and your husband have a real heart to heart talk about the current state of affairs in your marriage. Suggest to him the possibility of a nanny and a housekeeper to take the pressure off of you having to maintain the upkeep of the house since he is making good money. Being a stay at home mom with four children and taking care of a home certainly is a full-time job and you shouldn’t take all of that weight on your shoulders. Marriage counseling can also give the two of you some assistance in terms of what is truly going on in your relationship, and both of you need to work on getting the true love, passion and romance back. But, sweetheart, don’t give so much of yourself and lose the woman you are in the process. Don’t compromise yourself. Here’s to you and your husband finding peace, tranquility and a better understanding of each other and finding the fire of your union.
Dear Chat Daddy, My boyfriend of five years has yet to pop the question to me. He keeps feeding me different excuses when I bring up the topic: “We live three hours away from each other,” “We need to save our money” and mostly, “I don’t want to talk about that. It’s too far in the future.” Both of us are in our mid-20s, working decent paying jobs so money shouldn’t be an issue. Yes, we are rather far from each other, but I am looking to obtain a job closer to him. He claims we can’t get engaged until I move to where he is. Now all of sudden, he’s telling me there’s no “rush” for me to move there. Once he accused me of just wanting a ring and to plan a wedding. I told him that wasn’t the case. We did break up for 10 months of the five years (I broke up with him), but we got back together two years ago, and I think he still hasn’t gotten over the break up. I love this man, and I want nothing more than to have a marriage with him. But am I a fool to stay with him? Am I not the one he wants? A girl can only wait so long. -Looking To Become His Wifey
Dear Looking To Become His Wifey, Sister girl, I have two words for you: Wake up! A woman should never have to wait. When a man loves you and wants you as his wife, he would go through the fire to get you no matter how far away you live from him or no matter his financial status. Truth be told, he doesn’t care and is just not that into you. It seems to me that it tickles him to play you for a fool. Men know in six months or less whether or not their lady is the one for them. Trust me. All of his excuses are nothing but that–excuses and copouts. You are putting more effort into this man and the so-called relationship than he is. Stop wasting your time with someone who isn’t man enough to let you know that he is not interested in marriage with you, and focus on healing your heart. Always remember, you are the prize. Be encouraged.
Art “Chat Daddy” Sims can be reached via e-mail at chatdaddy@chicagodefender.com
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