Dear Chat Daddy
I’m a 40-year-old career woman who happens to be self-sufficient. For the last six years I’ve been extremely worried about every Black man I’ve met in my dating age range of 35-50 years old. I don’t do married men, gay men or men who have
Dear Chat Daddy I’m a 40-year-old career woman who happens to be self-sufficient. For the last six years, I’ve been extremely worried about every Black man I’ve met in my dating age range of 35-50 years old. I don’t do married men, gay men or men who have a lot of baby mama drama in their lives. Plus, I recently found out that one of my girlfriends is HIV-positive from dating a brother who is on the DL. When I do meet single brothers who are not on my list above, I immediately think that they are on the down low because of their age and the fact that they are not already taken. Chat Daddy, how can a woman tell if her man is on the down low? – I Think I Know What’s Wrong With Our Men
Dear I Think I Know What’s Wrong With Our Men, Sister girl, you really don’t understand your brothers because you are coming up with every excuse in the book to really not try to understand Black men. How can you tell if he’s on the DL? YOU CAN’T…point blank. Being on the down low does not have a shape, size, color or particular character you can judge them by. I personally don’t think that every man over 35 is on the down low or gay because he is not married or in a committed relationship. I think that so many of my brothers have been through so much mess with our sisters that they are afraid to get caught up in a committed relationship any more.
This whole down low thing has gotten so out of hand because so many of our brothers are in denial about their sexuality. As a result, most of our sisters are scared to death of meeting a man. Ever since authors E. Lynn Harris and J.L. King introduced our sisters to this type of behavior, it has killed our Black social dating scene altogether. This down low thing is crazy. The way I see it, every man who cheats on his mate is on the down low and is dirty, whether it’s a man or woman. Cheating is cheating! Here’s the real killer in this letter.
If a man is sleeping with his man or woman and is not protecting himself, he is then putting the entire Black community at risk of being exposed to HIV/AIDS. What we all must do at this point is to think more of our health than whom our mates have been sleeping with. Did you know that AIDS is the No. 1 killer of young Black women and that Black women are 25 times more likely to be diagnosed with AIDS than white women? When you meet these men and you both agree that you want to spend more quality, committed time together, please demand that you both go and get tested. Men need, desire and want sex more than women and are sometimes faced with finding their pleasure any and everywhere they can. Here’s to you one day finding a mate who has been untouched by the desires of sexual temptations. Be encouraged!
Dear Chat Daddy, I am a 62-year-old woman from the South Side. My daughter allowed my 15-year-old grandson to visit me for the summer, and she is raising him by herself. Lately, I’ve been noticing bad behavior from him. He rarely follows my rules and feels as if he can come and go as he pleases. I’m afraid that he is developing some of the negative ways of street life. Recently, while coming home from the grocery store, I caught him associating with the neighborhood drug dealer. Chat Daddy, I’m really afraid because I don’t want to see him go down the wrong path. Please help. -A Parent’s Cry For Help
Dear A Parent’s Cry For Help, My heart really goes out to you both. Teenagers nowadays really have their backs against the wall and feel the need to gain acceptance and unconditional love in the wrong places. I would suggest that after you sit down and have a heart to heart with the young brother, you introduce him to summer activities and programs of substance that will give him the extra stability and nurturing he needs.
He needs to stay busy and exercise all of the gifts and talents he has in the most positive way possible. Do some research online and get him involved in youth mentoring programs as well as other resources. If you have a church home, have him do some work in a ministry or within your community. Here’s to your grandson finding his true self and realizing great potential and you obtaining your peace of mind in the process. Be encouraged through it all.
Art “Chat Daddy” Sims can be reached via e-mail at chatdaddy@chicagodefender.com.
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