Dear Chat Daddy,
I am a 24-year-old woman who hasn’t spoken to her mother in almost a year. While growing up, I was pretty much a latch-key child due to my mother being too busy partying and hanging in the streets. She barely came home at a decent
Dear Chat Daddy, I am a 24-year-old woman who hasn’t spoken to her mother in almost a year. While growing up, I was pretty much a latchkey child due to my mother being too busy partying and hanging in the streets. She barely came home at a decent hour. I remember being abused by her due to her disease: slapping, pushing, cursing out and anything else that I could’ve easily reported, but didn’t. Now that I’m older, I feel compelled to try and repair the relationship because it pains me to have such a sour relationship with her, but I am not sure how to go about it. Please help.
-Growing Up With Mommy Dearest
Dear Growing Up With Mommy Dearest,
Thank you so much for your letter. I applaud you for wanting to still reach out to your mother and salvage your relationship. Often times we turn away from family members who have hurt us the most, but I’m here, my dear, to remind you that this is the woman who gave you life. I would suggest that the two of you start off with prayer and family counseling. There is a lot of residue here from the damage that your mother has done. But rest assured, she probably has a lot of unresolved issues herself that she needs to come to terms with in the process. Abuse is never ok, so I really would like to emphasize counseling not only for yourself, but for her as well. Honest communication would definitely be the healing balm in restoring the bond between mother and daughter. Here’s to you and your mother embarking on a journey in healing, restoration and unconditional love. Be encouraged.
Dear Chat Daddy, I’m a 29-year-old female who needs your advice. I have a good friend, and we are very close. We call ourselves the ‘divas’ and hang out almost every other weekend. The problem is she is unemployed and has a snotty side to her, and it’s beginning to turn me off. She’s the type of woman who can only drink topshelf liquors, eat at only the finest restaurants and wear the best designer labels, but is always broke when we go out. She is also the queen of making smart remarks that are beginning to get under my skin, and I find myself having negative feelings in regards to our friendship, which scares me because I do love her like a sister. She has told me that I was too sensitive, and maybe I am at times, but when something rubs me the wrong way–it is what it is. Chat Daddy, any feedback you give would be greatly appreciated.
-Sister Girl Is Becoming A Hot, Annoying Mess
Dear Sister Girl Is Becoming A Hot, Annoying Mess, I definitely see your point. Sometimes when we have been friends with someone for a long period of time, we tend to overlook a few things that annoy us, and that don’t settle well in our spirit. Be straight up with her. If she is constantly doing and saying ridiculous things, then you need to check her on her behavior. Let her know firmly that you don’t appreciate her gaining all of her pleasure and amusement at your expense. I’m sure that she wouldn’t like you doing the same thing to her. A real friend who knows you would never do such insensitive things. If she takes offense, then you may have to eventually distance yourself and move on. Yes, you love her like a sister, but I doubt if she feels the same about you. You don’t need someone always taking from you and then making stupid, insulting remarks. Cut your losses and find someone who totally appreciates you to the fullest. Here’s to you both understanding that in all relationships, there is always a much higher level of grace and mercy that can be shared.
Art “Chat Daddy” Sims can be reached via e-mail at chatdaddy@chicagodefender.com.
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