Dear Chat Daddy,
I’m a 22-year-old college student and I really would like your advice on a situation that has been bothering me for almost a year now. Recently, last summer to be exact, I gave up my virginity to a man I thought was a decent indivi
Dear Chat Daddy, I’m a 22-year-old college student, and I really would like your advice on a situation that has been bothering me for almost a year now. Recently, last summer to be exact, I gave up my virginity to a man I thought was a decent individual, and I am having a difficult time trying to forgive myself for making the mistake of not waiting until marriage.
I consider myself a Christian and always took pride in my relationship with God and the pact I made with Him, which was to wait for Him to bring the man that is meant for me. I realize that we all must forgive, but right now, it is out of the question, and it’s hard because I still see this person from time to time. How do I learn to let all of this go and get rid of the animosity I feel for him?
-An Unforgiving Heart
Dear An Unforgiving Heart, Sweetheart, I am sorry to hear about your situation. Please trust me on this one, it is not the end of the world, even though it feels like it right now. Start with prayer. With you being a Christian, you definitely understand the power of truly communicating to the Creator on exactly how you feel and allowing Him to guide and heal your hurts.
Forgiveness is a process that shouldn’t be rushed. Even though you made the mistake of sleeping with what seems to have been a jerk, you must allow yourself time to forgive him but most importantly, forgive yourself. Remember that you are indeed human, and I know that the Creator still loves you and has not left your side. Simply get up and dust yourself off because he is not worth you beating yourself up. Yes, it happened, but just move on and focus on you and chalk this up to experience. Think of it this way: You now know what a predator looks like, and you’ve learned what game looks like. Here’s to you ridding yourself of animosity and moving on with your life that is full of healing, success and prosperity. Be encouraged.
Dear Chat Daddy, My girlfriend and I are both 25 years old and have been together for approximately three years. I consider myself very much in love with her. However, lately I’ve noticed that she is spending a little too much time with one of her gay girlfriends. At first, it wasn’t a problem, but as time goes on, it is becoming a nuisance. I question her about it and discuss how I feel, but she only brushes it off and tells me that I am being paranoid and “oversensitive.” I don’t want to accuse her of cheating on me with her, but all signs point to that, and it would totally destroy my relationship. My family wants me to let her go and move on, but I am totally confused and unsure of what my next move should be. Please advise. -I Think My Girlfriend Has A Girlfriend
Dear I Think My Girlfriend Has A Girlfriend,
Ok brother, something does smell a little fishy here. It does sound like she is extremely preoccupied with her friendship with the young woman in question. If you have already talked with her about this and all she has done is brush you off, then you may want to try really sitting her down and seriously having another frank chat with her on this matter. Explain to her that you would like to spend time with her, and it is hard to keep the relationship alive when she’s always around her friend.
Afterwards, if she still is not trying to hear you and refuses to ease up on hanging with her friend, then you may want to consider stepping away and re-evaluating your relationship. I know that it is something that you do not want to do, but anytime your feelings are constantly negated, the other person is not only disregarding you but also disrespecting the entire relationship. Focus on yourself, and take time to heal slowly but surely. Whatever you do, don’t jump into another relationship because you don’t want to bring extra unnecessary baggage into a new love situation. Be encouraged.
Art “Chat Daddy” Sims can be reached via e-mail at chatdaddy@chicagodefender.com.
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